I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
