goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
