Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
