How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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