I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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