You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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