Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
bring money and cleavage
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
