I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
this boner is exhausting
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
