My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
