I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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