She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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