I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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