if you like me you must not know who I am
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
