drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
