tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
