Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize