The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My life is pants optional.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
