He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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