theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
