Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
