Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
