I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize