they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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