OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How external is "for external use only"?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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