You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
