How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
dude. I can hear the air.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
