Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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