girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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