Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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