i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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