Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have already put on my inside pants.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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