so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
