i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
