Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
