When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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