she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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