How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
