Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
