I seem to have left my pride at pride
zippers are such a cool invention
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
