Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
