So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
