my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
