Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
