mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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