My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
