I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
