It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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