someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize