You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
