i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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