Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
