Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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