my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I need a beard to bite.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
