if i can run in heels then i can drive
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
