I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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