i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
