tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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