Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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