Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
