My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
