I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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