Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize