3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
