I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
