my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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