Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
