I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize