If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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