im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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