Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
