There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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