the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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