I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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