he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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