tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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