I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
