WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
