we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
