I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize