i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm like, not good at living.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
