porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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