Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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