I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
