I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just pee around me
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
