so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize