I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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