i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
