nut hugger
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
if only i could text you this smell
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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