remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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