So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
